The Things You Know
by Ambrosia Farnese
Summary: Hunith reflects on the darkness and light within her life.


_Disclaimer: _Merlin_ and its characters are not mine. No money is made from this. It's purely for the joy of writing._

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It begins when you are six years old. There are things you know to the core of your being, and when you know things like this, they come true. Always. Which is why, when your ailing mother brings you to the island, you know you will never see her again. But they love you here, and you think it might be enough.

They place you in the care of a tall man. His name is Gaius and he is kind and he knows everything there is to know and he teaches you everything you could ever want to know. When you are older and grow jealous of your sisters' greater powers he takes you aside one day, tells you, "Hunith, there are many kinds of power in this world and magic is but one of them. You have an abundance of love in your heart, and love is its own kind of power. In the end you may find that it trumps magic."

As you grow to womanhood, the days darken. You know disaster is coming and so you run and run, and you don't stop until you find a place far from anywhere. Then Gaius finds you with his letters. He is in the heart of the Pendragon's realm, doing all he can to shield your kind from the destruction. It is little enough, and yet it is enough. He sends you a man to keep hidden. It is a risk, but you know will be worth it.

He arrives wreathed in grief and wearing a false name. He believes there is nothing left for him in this world but he tells you his true name anyway- Balinor, the last Dragonlord. You take care of him until he can face the days again. The sorrow begins to fade from his eyes.

You fall in love, you and he. How can you not? He is sunlight after the rains and the strong branches of the oak you sought refuge in as a child. For a year, paradise is a thatched hut in a village in the back of beyond. He teaches you of the birds he has grown to love. A Dragonlord in a world without dragons still dreams of flight, and you dream with him. Happiness is easy. And it ends so terribly soon.

Even in this little village, whispers reach you that the Pendragon searches for Balinor, that he knows where he is, that he is sending knights to kill him. Both of you know that he must leave, and soon. He does not tell you where he will go and you do not ask. As you say your farewells you know he will never return. He knows it, too. When he leaves you watch him go until he is a speck in the wilderness, then gone, and you are motionless until the sun sets and your tears have run dry.

When the red-cloaked knights arrive with their questions and their threats you have nothing to tell them. Eventually they believe you and set out to follow his cold trail. And you know, as surely as you know he will never come back to you, that they will never find him. It is a small comfort.

A fortnight later, you realize you are carrying his child.

When the baby is born, he is the essence of sweetness and light, looking out on the world with blue eyes full of wonder and you discover that Gaius was right. Love is powerful, and if it came to it, you could level mountains to protect this child. You name him after one of Balinor's falcons, the wise one who protects his own. Merlin. Even now, the name suits him. Everything is perfect again until it isn't. This child has all the powers you hoped he would never have, and you begin a life's work of keeping him safe, telling your neighbors he is sickly, he cannot go outside, he cannot play with the other children. They give their condolences and look at you with pity. It hurts until you return home and find your beautiful child waiting for you.

He grows up, learns a little of control over his magic and to hide it well. He will never say so, but you know he has come to fear what he is and it breaks your heart all over again. No child should be afraid of himself, but yours is. He doesn't want you to know it. He never speaks of it, but you see that it gnaws at him, this fear, and if you do nothing that fear will rot within, twisting him into a hateful creature and even your love will not be able to stop it. You write to Gaius. He promises to teach Merlin, to find him a position, to watch over him until he is grown. So you send him to Camelot. It is for the best.

When you see Merlin again he has changed. He found a purpose with the Pendragon prince, though he does not know what the king has done to his family. The prince knows nothing of it, either. Their ignorance is bliss. They could not fulfill each other's needs without it, and they need each other. When the bandits are defeated he wants to stay, but you send him on with his prince. "You are two sides of the same coin," you tell him. And it is true.

The years pass, and when he comes home next, the prince has become a king in need of sanctuary. As you have known so many things before, you know fate rests heavily on this moment. The girl, Guinevere, who the king loves but turned away came to you, too, just a few weeks before. Now they are together again, she and he. They can begin again. Too soon, they must all flee. Fire and death mark their passage but you know they live, and it is not long before peace falls upon the lands again. A long, hard-won peace.

You begin to grow old and feel the stirrings of winter in your bones. Your boy returns home for the last time and you find he is no longer a boy. He is a man grown, and as broken as his father was when you first sheltered him. In the midst of his choked grief you hear about destiny and Albion and the Once and Future King. He asks you if he is a failure, and you know he is not. He wants to believe you.

You keep watch over him, as you did when he was a child. A long, careful watch until he decides to live again. When the red-cloaked knights come to take him home, he is ready to go. His King is gone, but his Queen still needs him. He bids you good-bye, says he will see you soon, but you know he will not. Your long watch nears its end.

His is only beginning.


End file.
